Every high school has to deal with their shit on a daily basis. However, no school has ever had as shitty of a problem than that of Jersey’s Holmdel High School.
Some poor high school custodian recently had the shitty job of cleaning up human feces from the school’s track and field area, DAILY. This is the first time that a Highschool wished its residents would stop giving a shit.
Apparently, the pooper had very healthy diet as this shit happened daily. Eventually, the school had to force their post-poop, washed hand and notify the authorities.
When Shit Hit The Fan:
Police caught the SOB in the middle of the act during surveillance of school grounds. In rapid excretion of information, the cunning crapper (AKA the devious dumper), is none another than Kenilworth’s District Superintendent. Sources say that Thomas Tramaglini, 42, would’ve pooped his pants if he had anything left.
Apparently, Tramaglini shouted, “oh shit!” when authorities tried to subdue him. Unfortunately for the Superintendent, he didn’t have the runs and couldn’t get way. While cuffing him, he reportedly asked, “are you shitting me?” The police we’re constipated with confusion.
Tramaglini feces charges on Monday in court. Hopefully the court does not intend on dropping the (dis)charges. Tramaglini is taking a leave of absence from his office as superintendent, similar to the leave of absence his copious poops have taken from his body.
Though the arrest was made on Monday, media across New Jersey collectively chose to release the information today: Turdsday May 3rd, 2018.
Tramaglini’s reasoning for his mischievous manure is unknown, but his resolve is unquestionable. Many of us are dying to know why, but it looks like we’re shit-out-of-luck until until Dungday, May 7th.
However, some believe that Tramaglini was just running around the track and field and needed to poop during his morning workout as he lives three miles from Holmdel High School. And I think we’ve all been there–you know, jogging and suddenly needing to poop.
Before you are quick to judge, here are my favorite emergency excretions from movies, lest we forget how randomly and traumatically they onset. The Principal Pooper just may have a case yet.