Every high school has to deal with shit like this daily. However, no school has ever had as shitty of a problem as that of Jersey’s Holmdel High School.
At Holdmdel, there were many isolated incidents of Students and Faculty finding a big pile of human poop on their track and field. Their poor school custodian had the shitty job of cleaning it up. And even worse, The pooper had a very healthy, regular diet as this shit happened daily. This must be the first time that a Highschool wished its residents would stop giving a shit.
But thankfully, they caught the guy. In the act.
When Shit Hit The Fan:
Police caught him brown-handed in the middle of a covert operation that was surveilling the school grounds for the shithead. Word quickly spread in a rapid excretion of information, Kenilworth’s District Superintendent. Sources say that when Thomas Tramaglini, 42, saw the cops, he was so scared that he would have shit his pants–if he had anything left.
Allegedly, Tramaglini shouted, “oh shit!” when he saw the police and tried to get away but unfortunately couldn’t as he no longer had the runs.
While officers subdued him, Tramglini reportedly asked, “are you shitting me?” When they formally told him what they were arresting him for, Tramglini said, “that’s a load of bullshit.” The lab is currently analyzing the feces to ensure that it did come from Tramglini and NOT a bull.
“Though he won’t be discharged, he’s Tramaglini feces charges on Monday in court. Sources say Tramglini wants to be discharged from prison, but it doesn’t look like that will happen. His attorney said, “He just doesn’t understand, things can’t just be discharged all willy-nilly whenever you want.” One of the arresting officers said “I’ve never seen a bigger asshole in my life” about Tramglini. “I’m not the biggest fan of him as a person either.”
Though the arrest was made on Monday, media across New Jersey collectively chose to release the information today: Turdsday May 3rd, 2018.Many are dying to know why Tramglini did what he did, but it looks like we’re shit-out-of-luck.
However, some believe that Tramaglini was just running around the track and field and needed to poop during his morning workout as he lives three miles from Holmdel High School. Sometimes, it’s just going to happen whether you like it or not:
In the middle of a jog through Pittsburgh’s Schenley Park, I found myself in the middle of an emergency situation where I got such bad diarrhea that I had to use a porta-potty as a last resort (the porta-potty seemed to have piss and shit everywhere except for inside the actual toilet). As someone who doesn’t like pooping anywhere other than my home toilet, it has to literally be my only option to poop in a porta potty.
The porta-john was so gross that I considered just shitting my pants and going home. So I can truly sympathize with him. Maybe we should all be a little less anal about what he did. Because other than the Janitor that had to clean it up and the parents of students at his school and the school defiled, who really gives a shit?