Entertainment, Men's Health, Uncategorized

20-year Study finds link between Forehead Wrinkles and Heart disease–A List of Celebs Who Should go to the Cardiologist

These French Scientist’s just made half of the world panic when their 20 year study found that prominent forehead wrinkles is tell-tale sign for cardiovascular disease.

So yeah, thanks for making everyone ever think they’re going die soon, assholes.

Anyway, here’s a list of celbrities who should maybe go to the cardiologist for a well-visit.

Mark Wahlberg

All I can say is jesus christ Mark Mark. If you he anymore confused or suprised or anything that will kae his forehead scrunch, he’ll  have a heart attack on the spot.

I mean damn, the indents on that thing make the space between his eyes look like a hot dog bun.

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Marky Marks-All-Over-His-forehead

 

Michael Madsen (Actor from resoivoir dogs, more recently Hateful Eight

Um…ew? The fuck is going on above that right eyebrow?

 

Hugh Laurie— AKA house.

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House is really the only thing anyone knows him for, yet no one knows why they called him house. Rumors have speculated that it is because many long and straight wrinkles on his forehead look remarkably similar to the exterior lining of a house

 

Pictured here is a trendy new style of living space called a “Micro-house,” or coloquially “Hugh Laurie’s Disgusting Forehead.”

 

 

 

Sean Penn

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Is he okay?

Did he already have a heart attack or stroke?

 

 

 

 

Mel Gibson

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Braveheart or diseased heart?

 

 

“This Anti-semite needs anti-wrinkle cream!!!!!” I audibly exclaimed.

 

 

 

 

Chef Gordon Ramsay

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Yeah no shit he’ll have heart disease….Remember when Ramsay used to scream at the top of his lungs at the chef’s on Hell’s Kitchen? He probably has arteries so hardened that they’re made of concrete.

 

Lebron James

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Cleveland fans argue that Lebron James has no heart since he walked out on Cleveland for a second time. Does the correlation between forehead wrinkles and cardiovascular disease still work if you dont have a pumping ticker (and the relative circulatory system).

Trendy jokes aside, Lebron’s forehead resembles a multi-laned turnpike.

Cleavage (noun) is defined as “a sharp division; a split.” Unforuntely, I am not smart enough to come up with a respectable joke that links the word “Cleavage” with “Cleveland” and his forehead wrinkles, but I will say this: I can and will start referring to Lebron as cleavage face.

Tommy Lee JonesTommy-Lee-Jones

While our country cannot thank him enough for the many times Tommy Lee has put his life on the line to save all of Earth in Men In Black, this ain’t no country for old men. You can’t have a forehead that resembles one of the very aliens in your line of work:

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Steve Buscemisteve-buscemi

Steve Buscemi is truly ana amazing person and talented, multi-faceted actor.  I hate that he made this list and I hate that I am quoting wikipedia for this fact beause I was too lazy to think of a summary for it but,

“Buscemi was a New York City firefighter from 1980 to 1984, with Engine Company No. 55, in the Little Italy section of New York. The day after the 9/11 attacks in New York, he returned to his old firehouse to volunteer: he worked twelve-hour shifts for a week, and dug through rubble looking for missing firefighters.”

Awesome.

That being said, Buscemi was probably born with wrinkles on his face. Stinks too because Buscemi could play any role perfectly,

except for…ya know…a role that requires a good looking male.

 

 

Sean Bean

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Ned Stark’s wrinkles really arent that bad, but that initial concave basin that goes fom his eyesbrows to the first crease is mesmorizing. Bean must have to dry that thing out after a shower so it doesnt get moldy.

 

Russel Crowe

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People typically wrinkles around your eyes (also known as “laughing wrinkles”) as “Crow’s feet. We should start calling the wrinkles on your forehead “Crow’s forehead.”

 

Or not, it was just a suggestion.

 

Goerge Clooney

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We now invite every other 50-60 year old that grew up, had kids, and worked a hard, boring life at a cublicle to join us in laughing at Goerge Clooney.

Heart disease is what you get for being single all your life and being a movie star and partyign and enjoying all the finer things (AKA any model he wants). We are happy that there will be one consequence to the amazing life that most midlife men envied, and you enjoyed.

Fuck you Clooney,  have fun with your terrible circulation.

 

 

Robert Deniro

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Humor me and picture Robert Deniro saying this in one of his organized crime role voices:

“Who do ya think ya talking to, Huh? I got wrinkles on my face? Huh? Who the fuck do you think you talkin’ to here, huh?”

 

Deniro spawned a 55+ year career off of his famous scrunched forehead and raised eyebrow look. Dead ass this man has been acting since 1963. 55 years of doing anything is gonna leave a little wear and “tear”….. too bad that the thing he’ll “tear” is his thoracic aorta.

 

 

 

Final Note

Yours truly is a lover of all women  of all types. Out of respect for the beautiful babes, in addition to my sister and mother,  I chose not include any women in this article. No need for the hate-shaming on them, you know (plus most female celebrities got that shit smoothed out by botox anyway lol).

Keeping that in mind, I jsut have to include Reese Witherspoon’s forhead hoping that someone can tell me what. in. the. fucking. hell. is. with. the. smooth. part. above. her. eyebrows.?

Reese Witherspoon

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I’m sorry but somebody somewhere made a mistake. Whether it’s god,  her plastic surgeon, her makeup person, someone slipping  her botox while she sleeps, etc., someone is doing something incorrectly on this woman’s forehead.

 

 

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