Health and Lifestyle, Technology

Did I just muscle Verizon Wireless into Accepting my Donation for California Wildfire Disaster Relief?

American Red Cross has teamed up with like every Wireless Cell-phone provider and making it insanely easy to contribute to the California Wildfire Relief Fund. Text “CA Wildfires” to 909-99 to make a $10 dollar donation (which will appear on your wireless bill). It may hard for some of us to envision what Californians are going through right now since it’s likely that most of us haven’t seen any type of major fire. Most likely, the biggest fire you’ve seen is a bonfire for a Pep Rally or some burning man, music festival shit.

The Wake Forest Homecoming bonfire on Davis Field, Friday, September 29, 2006.
Wake Forest Bonfire after Pep Rally during parents weekend.

In any case, it’s super easy to donate now. Before Red Cross went digital, the only way could help was by mailing in a donation. And you know the only type of mailing millennial’s and Gen Z’ers know how to do is e-mail. Not gonna lie, in the extremely rare instances that I have to mail anything, I have to:

A. Google how to Write down then Delivery and Return Addresses
B. Buy Envelopes and Stamps
C. Google The proper envelopes and stamps for my mail
D. Go to the Post office because I don’t really know if I am supposed to put it in my mail box or those blue mailbox bins you see on the corners of the street or under my door or wait for the mailman or a P.O. box (wtf is a P.O. box?)…ugh, I’d rather just go to the office and hand it to the guy behind the counter who just takes it and sends it for me.
E. I need to beg the man or woman behind the counter to help me and pretty much do all this shit with/ for me.
F. If they can’t help me (AKA do it for me…out of the goodness of their heart), I go to the UPS walk-in store and pay extra for them to do it. Ugh, can’t I just email whatever the hell I need to send? A virtual candy basket it just as good as a real candy basket…it’s the thought that counts.

Anyway, I tried to donate. I get a message from the Verizon automated response system that says they can’t accept my donation because of some SMS block on my account. Because I am such a giving person (but I am more of one of those people who are charitable for selfish purposes like so they can brag about how charitable they are and get all the glory), I was pissed. I lashed out and responded to Verizon.

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And Then, Verizon texted back………

…………with a confirmation of my donation.

“Fuck that noise.” That is the phrase that changed everything in my life. That is the phrase that will go down in infamy when I stared the brutish- tech Goliath down and made it shame their actions. When a grizzly bear is present and has you in its sight, you do not run.m helping these Californians. My drive to be charitable and help people is You slap on your bravery and stand up and get as big as you can and you deter the beast.

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That’s right. I geared up and I jarred Verizon’s automated response system loose. “Fuck that noise.” A simple phrase that said so much more. It said, “There is nothing you can do to stop me from unlike any giving person you have seen before. Not even the religious missionaries that devote their lives to helping the people of 3rd world countries. Not even the members of the peace corps that devote years of their life to living in squalor for the benefit of others. Not even Ghandi himself. My drive to give comes from a stronger place than any other: my ego. There is no sweeter joy than telling someone of all the charity you do, and seeing “the look” on their face. The look that says, this guy is a better person than I am. It is necessary I must help. I implore you to open then gateway to my donations.”

And like that, it was accepted. I helped. I did my part. Did you?

I am terribly sorry that something has bad as this is happening to the people of California. I mean, they’re literally getting their Earth scorched. Scorched Earth is military strategy where one warring party burns all land and resources and everything of their opponent’s. And it does so much damage that The United Nations Collectively decided to make the scorched earth military strategy as an international war crime at the Geneva Convention of 1977. And there’s no need to say thank you, I was just doing the right thing.

You’re welcome, my sweet Cali.

 

**Editor’s Note: I’d like to personally redact my take in an earlier blog of which I discussed how non-existent fires are today, in addition to how useless paid firefighters are. Obviously I was wrong. Obviously.

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