Indiana SERIOUSLY needs to stop inbreeding or else they’ll find themselves with a state full Forrest Gump’s. Stupid is as stupid does, and both of these men definitely went and gone n’ does somethin’ stupid. That is what I imagine what the Indiana Education system claims is the correct grammar for a sentence that says that these men are stupider than their stupidly stupid performance in the world’s most basic of board games.
Jesus christ. These beer belly schmucks performed so unintelligibly that it makes you think that the two randomly selected participants we’re planted actors that purposely had the worst game of Tic Tac Toe ever. It makes sense that the team would want some spicy entertainment during a game break considering watching the Pacers is more unwatchable than watching an obese person trying to run the New York marathon. Think about it–Indianians (wtf is the word for people from Indiana?) take a break from their their boring ass lives in their boring ass state to try and get some entertainment from a boring ass team playing a boring ass sport.
Pacer’s administration definitely felt like the the least they could do for their loyal, boring ass fans is put on a show during the break.
I am BEGGING for someone to find out what jobs these guy’s do for a living. I hope it’s something like a theoretical physicist or an elementary school teacher or Doctor or a manager of stock portfolios or a Math 55 College Professor aka Honors Abstract Algebra and Honors Real and Complex Analysis:
It would tickle my pickle to learn that these guys have some type of job that’ll make everyone that works with them question their competence.
Doctor: Hey Timmy, I know you have been briefed on how risky this surgery can be, but my surgical statistics are impeccable. The success rate of my operations is uncannily high. There is nothing to worry about.
Patient: Hey doc, isn’t this you in the Pacers halftime show the other day?
Doctor: Embarrassingly, Yes.
Patient: Get me off this fucking gurney and as far away from this hospital as possible.
Now we know why Notre Dame is smack in the middle of the state with the stupidest people on the planet–the state literally NEEDS to host one of the best universities in the world in their state so their IQ average levels out a bit. If ND wasn’t in Indiana, the IQ average would no joke be -300.
Even Indiana University is freaking dumb. The mascot for the dumb state’s state school is dumber than the state of their dumb state: “The Hoosiers.” If you are one of the 319.03 Million Americans that are blessed with NOT being from Indiana, you probably didn’t know what the fuck a hoosier was unless you’re like so 80s and like totally caught the super rad 1986 flick, Hoosiers (credit: this sentence was constructed by my Dad as I sought consultation on how one might speak in 80s slang).
A “hoosier” is the most nasty, fierce, intimidating, and inspiring of mascot characters out there. The typical predator mascots, like the Lions, Sharks, and Gators of the world don’t hold a candle to the hoosier. Mythically imperious mascots like Devils or Titans or Dragons are seen shaking in their boots when matching up against the Hoosier.
Just fucking kidding! The Hoosier mascot is literally defines as, “a native or inhabitant of Indiana.” *Speechless, a wave of silence takes over the room.*
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? That’s like the University of Florida being “The University of Florida Floridians,” or Penn State being, “the Pennsylvania State University Pennsylvanians.” God you’re so dumb Indiana. Have some pride…if you’re school isn’t just a state school but is THE State School of your state (EX: Pitt is a state school Pennsylvania, while Pennsylvania State University is THE state school of Pennsylvania). But what else did yo expect from a state where figuring out how to play Tic Taco Toe is their version of figuring out the Da Vinci Code.
While I now hate all of you Hoosiers after writing this blog, maybe I am being a little harsh. So you’re not alone, Indiana. You aren’t the only state breeding people that are reverse-evolving. Turns out that Iowa also is made up of people dumber than neanderthals.
This happened today between Iowan congressional representative Steve King and the CEO of Google. One of the people running the state didn’t know that Iphones ARE NOT MADE BY GOOGLE.
THIS MAN IS IN ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF AN ENTIRE STATE. Literally responsible for 6.7 million people. How the hell did you even implant that thought into your stupid corn-eating brain? “Oh look, there is an Apple logo on my Apple-iPhone…Google must have changed it’s logo that has only existed for 3 years despite being one of the biggest corporations on the planet. There probably isn’t another massive tech company that’s had the same logo for 40 years, and I probably do haven’t seen said logo of said hypothetical company every day for for the last ~10 years.”