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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Presidential Address Leaves Americans in Shock after Close-Up Shot of Trump Enlightens many of Obvious Facial Abnormality

Whether you love or hate Donald trump, whether you’re republican or democrat, Liberal or conservative, hater of walls or lover of walls (I personally can’t stand the Great Wall of China and the walls of my bathroom), you know exactly what you were focusing on during the Presidential Address.

Trump only spoke for 8 minutes. I watched the entire thing. And I couldn’t tell you what the fuck the address was about. Three words….three words is all I can recall from the speech. That is how attention grabbing Donald Trump’s bottom teeth were. Like have they always been like this? Did the camera focus on them intentionally. Whatever the case, Trump-Teeth will be the first thing I think about every-time the president is mentioned. If Trump ever returns to the WWE, Crooked Smile by J. Cole has to be his Entrance music to the ring or I will literally sue Vince McMahon for emotional pain.

*Entrance Song Crooked Smile starts playing*


The President’s address was like trying to converse with someone that had a disgustingly large whitehead on their face and you just cannot listen to what they’re saying because Mount Kilimanjaro is on their chin and it has all of your focus. Like fucking pop that thing man no one wants to see that shit literally protruding out of your face.

Thank god the red arrows we’re there or else I wouldn’t have noticed it

Something so aesthetically painful like that then spirals into you wondering if your friend is aware of how bad the pimple is because if they know but aren’t popping it for health reasons or whatever than you have to unfortunately never trust that friend’s opinion again or maybe even cut off ties. If they don’t realize that they have said pimple appetizer, don’t tell your acquaintances, but give your friend some tough love and tell them to pop that god damn Caprese Skewer on their face.

Sorry for ruining a delicious appetizer.

Anyways, the only 3 words I remember Trump saying were: 1.) Aliens 2.) Wall. 3.) Government shutdown.When it ended, I had a 30 second panic attack that the White House was somehow infiltrated by Aliens and Trump was actually one of them and their plan for world domination had already begun with the Government Shutdown (“Well that would explain what the hell is going on in the white-house!”–my Dad right after telling him this).

In any-case, I have those fuckin bottom chompers for being way too addicting to look at that I couldn’t focus on anything else. It’s like when you try to talk to someone while they’re playing video games or when your kids tell you they love them. It’s just really background noise that you respond like your on Auto-pilot: “yes,” “sure,” “wow,” “I don’t know,” “hmm,” and “maybe,” are like the only words your brain can respond with when you’re hearing someone else but listening to the TV.

The president’s bottom left canine tooth is almost at the center of his mouth!

Haters will say it was just a timed photo. Yes, anyone can make anyone look bad in a video if they look at their face frame by frame and just choose one where the face looks funny, but I took a bunch of screenshots to show you how the the man’s under-bite looks more like like a stack of dominoes beginning to fall than teeth:

Some people have referred to Donald Trump as a “monster.” I don’t know anything about that except the fact that if he somehow is a monster, we can pretty much rule out any chance of him being a vampire.

It looks like his bottom teeth are trying to get away from something on the left side of trump’s mouth (his left). Maybe his teeth represent Mexican immigrants attempting to enter the US and his top teeth are the Wall. Was that the point of the address?

If I didn’t who trump was or watch the address, I’d assume this man had a dislocated jaw

Literally so many things to consider here. I bet Trump is so sick of finishing the left side of his Sandwiches so much faster than the right side. I wonder what an ear of corn looks like when the Donald is half done with it. What the hell do his apple cores look like? I would pay actual money that I don’t have to watch Trump chew a wad of bubble gum only with his front teeth. You know how you try and bite a burrito in such a way that you’ll get the perfect ratio of all the ingredients so each bite tastes just the way you ordered? Trump never experiences that. It’s so sad to think that he’ll never, ever know how good burrito-foreplay feels (don’t act like you’ve never done it):

Damn, I’m sweatin’…are those burritos super spicy or is it just caliente in here????

Man…gets you thinking. What is this wall business really about? Is the motive behind the wall really because Trump hates Mexicans they invented a food that is so delicious, yet requires straight teeth to unlock the full potential of its flavors–something Trump will never experience? Close your eyes and try to remember the worst burrito you’ve ever had. It was a crime of a burrito, wasn’t it?

Bet you are thinking twice about that wall now that you’re picturing life with Trump’s teeth in your mouth.

Roast me

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