Blogs, Technology

Flight Vanishes Over the English Channel: How the Hell Are We Still Losing Planes?

On January 21st, a commercial plane went missing when flying over the English Channel. My heart goes out to all those people on that plane and all of the victims family’s. But seriously, how the hell are we still losing planes?

Argentine Professional Soccer Player Emiliano sala, 28, was reportedly on the plane that has gone missing.

For Christmas, I bought my dad one of those mini wallet finders. All it is is a simple, little chip that you slip into one of the pockets of your wallet. The chip has built in speakers, and when you lose your wallet, all you have to do is click a little button (which you keep attached to your keys) and the chip beeps so you can find your wallet with ease. Not advertising for the product here, but it comes with multiple chips so that you can hookup one of them up to your keys, phone, etc. It’s actually a great product. Probably. We’ve never actually used it. We lost it before we got a chance.

Remember a few years ago when the two Malaysian airlines went missing within months of each other? People on those planes were in a real life version of LOST. The PR people over at Malaysian airlines definitely have some serious PTSD trying persuade the public that the people running Malaysian Airlines were not:

  1. Toddlers
  2. Aliens that were kidnapping people to study them and/or study our flight technology
  3. Members of the occult
  4. Accidentally flying planes into a portal to a parallel dimension
  5. Etc.

When the first plane went down, Malaysian airlines was at a loss for words. And so was the rest of the world, because as of today, they still have not definitively determined what happened to that flight. It is, “one of the biggest mysteries in the modern aviation history.” So everyone was looking for this thing back in 2014, no one could find it anywhere. Absolutely nuts that there es no record of the plane going down and no eyewitnesses or any sort of plane transmission or anything. It just literally vanished. Beyond nuts.

The media when Malaysian Airlines lost their 2nd plane:

Malaysian Airlines: “No, just our planes.”

And like 3 months later–amidst everyone still fucking looking for the first plane because it was still fresh in our minds– fucking Malaysia lost another one. How the hell is Malaysian Airlines still in business? I’m no expert on aviation rules and regulations, but it seems like there should be some sort of repercussions for an airline if they’re losing more than one 757 in under 3 months. And even if they’re still allowed to be an airline, who the hell is buying tickets for flights with them?

Bro 1: “Yo we should totally think about going somewhere in Eastern Europe…flights there are so cheap right now.”

Bro 2: “Oh hell yes. Plus I have my dad’s JetBlue Rewards card so we can get tickets for even cheaper.”

Bro 1:…….uh well, we’d have to fly Malaysian.”

After the world lost TWO god damn planes in a few months, you might think they’d put in a GPS system that had a shred of a fail-safe system so that we aren’t losing 300 people and a massive $70 million dollar vehicle in the body of water in one of the most popular countries in the world. But they have not. Because, apparently, the flying business is the only one that doesn’t learn from their mistakes—despite seeming like the one market you’d want to rectify any mistakes so that they don’t make them in the future.

But, we’ve all stood in a dysfunctional TSA line for 2 hours despite only 11 people being in line. Actually, now my opinion has changed. I am almost surprised that more planes aren’t vanishing left and right with the TSA in disarray from the government shutdown. While the plane that went down was only a small, Piper Aircraft single turbine plane (like one of the smaller ones that can only fit a few people in it), it still feels there should be some sort of red alert, emergency 911 button that they can hit if there is a serious problem.

Safest way to fly my ass.

Roast me

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