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Drive to Work? DO NOT Refill Your Tank Until You’ve Learned of These 10 Ingenious Ways to Save Money on Gas

1. Drive something economically sound

There is no bang for your buck quite like commuting via noble steed.

Image result for horse and buggy
When Your Horses Poo Smells Like Roses>>>

This one is sort of obvious. But if you really want to cut out the spending on Gas, you should consider something more environmentally friendly. My suggestion would be to commute on Horseback, horse and buggy if you’re planning on giving anyone a ride. You’ll cut down on energy pollution and save a ton on gas. Prius’s are proven to be bad for the environment at-least a little.


2. Invade the Middle East

Supply and demand baby. When Gas is really cheap, it’s usually because the U.S. has a huge supply of it. How does the US get access to a huge supply of cheap gas? Either physically controlling an area, or economically controlling an area. Either way, the US takes control. Probably. I’m not a poly-sci major, I’m not an idiot. All I know is that middle east= plethora of gas.

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It might actually cost you an arm and a leg if you go to war for gas. Shout out to our troops and everything they do for us


3. Start making your own Methane

Self-sustaining farms historically have saved a lot of money on gas. Many people think that it’s because they don’t need to drive anywhere since everything they need is on their farm. This is a bunch of bologna…..people forget that Farmers need a ton of gas to run their giant lawn mowers and shit. Think about all the gas they needed to power up those bi-planes that throw pesticides all over their crops.

Image result for methane gas
Pictured here is cow with a backpack attached to it, farting into a tube to collect gas. If this picture didn’t have an old man in it, it’d be a lot more believable since you wouldn’t just automatically assume that he’s senile.

So how do they fill up their contraptions with gas? Most farmers have at least 20 cows that they use to make their own gas. What happens is, Farmers inorganically feed their cows in order to fatten them up so they can sell the cheap, inorganic meat to buyers like Mcdonalds and/or Prisons. As it turns out, these cows actually serve two purposes. While they’re being fattened up, they get extremely gassy. They fart out and shart out methane into those giant tanks you see on Farms, which is later used for gas for the entire little farm community.


4. Siphon your neighbors Gas

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The best part about this method is how safe it is.

Some people might view this as immoral or ethically wrong, but ethics shmethics. If you have two neighbors who have full tanks of gas, and you have absolutely nothing, why should they get to have all the fun and have all the gas? Because they paid for it? They’re killing the environment! It’s only fair that you snag a 1/3 of a tank from each neighbor so that you all have 1/3, since you are environmentally conscious while they aren’t.


5. Use the gas that comes out of your stovetop

It’s all the same shit….all you gotta do is throw tiny little tubes on each little whole that gas comes out of and turn on the stove, but you just have to finesse it a little so that the spark doesn’t go off.

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basically the same school of thought as siphoning Gas, just throw down a tube and get sucking

If you accidentally make the spark go off, it’s very possible that you blow yourself up.


6. Steal The Propane from every Barbecue You Attend

Unless it’s your own barbecue, that propane is up for grabs. Remember in the Hunger Games when the contestants all start in a circle and run for the best weapons at the Cornicopia? That’s the same way with the propane. If you’re at your bosses barbecue, remember to think of that time they disrespected you to keep your motivation up. And remember, every other worker there is also trying to gun for the propane. Stay Alert.

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This is NOT a gas powered engine. If you ever see this type of Grill at a barbecue you have my permission to punch the owner of the house, turn and run. Unless you’re at a tailgate.

7. Use Coal instead

Maybe put some good fucking use to the shit that Santa gave me all my life instead of the one thing I asked for every year–a sex doll.

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America ran on Coal forever. Why did we stop? Oh yeah, because like everyone was dying that inhaled any of the fumes that came from burning coal. Ah, the good ol’ times. Anyway, there aren’t many vehicles that run off of coal anymore. It’s crazy that all of America used to run on coal (aka Steam Engines). Imagine if steam engines never existed and the first trains and massive ships rand on Gas instead. We’d never have any of those scenes from the titanic with the lower class workers that shoveled coal into the giant chimineas! And we’d never have the iconic train from Harry Potter that polluted the fuck out of the countryside.

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Imagine having to be in complete hell in the Boiler Room only to die when the ship sinks like 2 days later.

You’ll probably have to build this engine yourself. Good luck.


8. DIY Fracking

If you look at the google images of “fracking” tons of images of diagrams come up. Is it really that simple?

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This looks easy

Yes. It is this simple. Why do the oil companies get to benefit from sticking a tube into the ground and forcing out the gas via air pressure? You could do the same shit. Go home and get a straw and stick it into the ground. Attach that straw to your dad’s tank. Drive 300 miles without stopping.


9. Eat Chipotle for every meal

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#Funny #Relatable #ChipotleIsMyLife


10. Bloons and Helium

For this you’ll need access to a lot of helium. Whether that means you need to disguise yourself as a clown and fucking jack all of the balloons at a toddler’s birthday party, or hold up a party city, or even put a gun to that geriatric fuck from Up, you need to get your hands on some helium.

Then you just have to funnel that shit into your tank. When you beep your horn, it might be at a much higher pitch, or when you rev your engine it might sound more like starting a vacuum cleaner, at least you’ll have some gas in that bitch. The same basic principle works if you have some access

Roast me

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