1. Mainstream media floods you with the same BS 4/20 articles every year
Get ready for like four hundred and twenty articles about 420. Must be an easy day for reporters…they can just publish the same articles they wrote last year!
God forbid you live in a state that’s pushing to legalize marijuana for recreational use like NJ…Might have to smoke a joint to get through reading the newspaper.
2) Every 4/20, the number of Fatal Car accidents spikes dramatically
A 25-year study found that on April 20th, between the hours of 4:20 PM and midnight, there is a 38% increase in fatal car accidents among drivers under the age of 21. Among people older than 21, there’s 12% more car accidents on 420 than there are on any other given day during the same time period.
This blog started out as a satirical blog but all joking aside, those numbers seem like legitimate cause for concern.
3. Social media will actually make you feel bad for not doing drugs.
Social media is toxic. This isn’t news. Everyone is sort of aware that social media has become a place where people try and show the world how perfect their lives are every-time they upload. Consequently, when we see these uploads of people living happy lives, we negatively reflect on ourselves. We begin to think, well, I’m clearly not as happy as my friends on Facebook are–I must be doing something wrong.
And on 4/20, the exact same things will happen. People post photos, videos, etc. of themselves smoking and having a super happy, perfect time. And we feel bad about ourselves for not smoking because we think that that is the key to living a happy life. When i reality, this is obviously not the case.
4.20 is almost officially not a real holiday
Nationalcalenderday.com is a website that lists any national holiday that comes to mind. Literally. (For Example: the site lists National Girlfriends Day on August 1st, and National Rubber Ducky Day on January 13th).
Not only does Nationalcalendarday.com not lit any stoner holidays for 4/20, it actually has the proper listing of holidays that would be much more suitable. For example, National Hemp day is on February 4th, while National CBD Day is on August 8th.
The site even lists March 28th as National Weed Appreciation day! Though I am pretty sure the weed they’re appreciating is more so the kind that grows in your garden, 4 days to celebrate smoking marijuana is TOO MUCH! If stoners get 4 days to celebrate their favorite drug then I SHOULD GET 4 BIRTHDAYS! Don’t even get me started on National Cannabis Awareness Month…
5. The “holiday” is no different than any other day (especially for regular Mary-janers)
Daily smokers: is 4/20 any different than any other day? Or do you find yourself yet again trying to escape reality to make the day dwindle away faster?
6. It’s Hitler’s Birthday
This is a well known fact. Another well known fact about Hitler was that he had a micro penis. Same.
7. Pretty much everyone alive is annoying on 4/20
8. Everyone suddenly becomes a weed expert scientist
Every weed person ever:
“Did you know that weed is actually better for you than eating vegetables? A 2006 study of 15 participants showed that smoking hemp, cannabis, or any-type of THC was actually more beneficial in terms of nutritional value and overall metabolic usage then eating green beans?”
Of course, this is not a true fact, but we all know someone who can and will recall facts abut the benefits of weed from something they read in the New York Times 7 years ago.
9. Sad Jamaicans
You’ll probably see the colors of the Jamaican flag, reminding you that Jamaica is still a country. But Do you know anything about Jamaica besides the fact that they smoke a lot of Rastafarian marijuana? Do you know any of Jamaica’s rich history? No? Ugh, you’re so white. It’s okay though because neither do I, and neither does Jamaica.
10. All jokes made on 4/20 about 4/20 fail.
Whether you make a joke about smoking later on, about not smoking later on, or about how smokers and non-smokers will be celebrating this day differently, THE JOKE WILL FAIL.
I really don’t know what it is, but it just does. Stoners hate other stoners on 4/20. Stoners hate straight laced prudes, and prudes hate…well prudes pretty much hate everyone. But they hate stoners on 4/20 just a little more. If you make someone for smoking on 4/20, it wont go over well. If you joke about someone else not smoking, then you’ll look like an asshole for teasing someone for abstaining from drugs. If you joke about yourself not smoking, you could either be seen as a too cool for school fucker that thinks he is better than everyone else. Then you cant pretend to be overly enthusiastic about 4/20 or you’ll be labeled an airhead with permanent marker.
There’s just no winning. You can’t joke about 4/20 without pissing half of the room off. I am sure that any and all habitual smokers that read this are infuriated with me. If that is the case, I encourage you to send me (hate) e-mail dressing your complaints. Please direct your mail to my fan account: IH8Pot@CheechAndChongSuck.com