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My Doctor Incidentally Gave me an Erection while Examining my Testicles During a Routine Physical

Getting your genitals examined is uniquely strange for something that’s a standard part of the general practitioner’s medical checkup. There aren’t many times in life where you’ll pull your pants down while someone else takes a gander (unless you’ve got game, of course). And there are even fewer instances where you pull down your pants while someone else takes a gander in a totally non-sexual way. It’s weird to think that for a brief moment in time, a doctor is literally studying your penis or vagina.

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One trip to the pediatrician from my early years of puberty stands out among the rest, a time defined as my age of exploration and discovery of my body and sexuality. and we all know how unstable a teenage boy’s erections can be at that age. I couldn’t even watch Friends with other people because there were so many episodes where Jennifer Anniston’s nips looked like they were trying to poke holes through her shirt.

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My dick got hard all day, everyday, at all times of the day, whenever, with no warning, purpose, rhyme or reason. Forget morning wood, I had morning, late morning, midday, lunch, afternoon, golden hour, late afternoon, evening, dawn, midnight, and dusk wood. It got hard when I was watching porn, public speaking, watching swindlers list, at a funeral, wherever… it made no difference.

So I visited my pediatrician for a routine physical. We’re going through the motions. She’s checking my heartbeat, breathing, reflexes. In so many words, she tells me and my mom that everything is normal in spite of the fact that I was such a fat kid. But that was normal.

She says we have to check my privates and asks me if I want my Mom to leave the room. What kind of question is that? Of course I want my mom to leave the room. How am I supposed to drop trou knowing my Mom is gonna take a front-seat look at my dick and my freshly shorn pubes.

So my mom left and she told me to drop em.

Before I say anything else, I want it on the record that I do not and have not ever found my ex-pediatrician attractive in any way. On my life. She’s older. Too old. Like my parent’s age (late 50s, early 60s). Like right at the cusp of when Milfs turn to Gilfs. But she was neither. 

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My mom left the room. She asked me to drop my pants and free willy. I’m literally looking down at a woman who wants me to take my pants off so she can grab my genitals. Didn’t I just see this same scenario in a dirty scene last week? Deja Vu. After I pulled my pants down, I distinctly remember feeling the cool air on my dick, which immediately gave me this strange nervous but excited feeling that I still get every time I take my pants off in public. You’d be surprised how often that happens. 

As her soft hands reached to encapsulated my sack, she just barely brushed the sensitive nerve endings of my penis tip. I hadn’t felt a lover’s touch at that age– an age where a mere hug could result in a serious accident in my pants. She stared at my ham and eggs for 30 seconds without saying a word, marveling at its magnificence…probably. Then like a minute went by and I started getting a bit concerned. I mean, I know it’s nice looking but it’s not like it belongs in a museum or something.  

Then she looked me in the eyes and told me to cough a few times. Every-time she told me to cough, she never broke eye contact. Each time she asked me to cough, she switched nuts. Every-time her hand went to the other ball, she grazed my dick. Her soft hands brushing it back and forth back and back and forth. My mind scrambled to think of anything to take my focus away from how good my hernia check felt. I should get my hernia checked more often.

She asked me to cough one last time, exhaled. Her hot breath hit my dick, and I started to lose it. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The beast was being let out of his cage. It was like when the shark in Finding Nemo can control his urge for fish until he smells blood. 

Thankfully, she exhaled because she was done and told me to I can pull my pants up. To my luck when we finished, there was nothing to clean up. Also to my luck when we finished, she got up and turned around to fill out the form on the counter-top that has the sink and the cotton swabs and all the other knick-knacks. It was perfect timing too because if she lingered on her knees for one more second, she might have been poked in the eye. 

I pulled my pants up but was still worried that she could see that my snake had been charmed. That worry quickly went away when her hard-to-look-at nurse, Maude, came in to tell her something. 

Looking back, I realize that I had nothing to worry about the whole time because 

  1. She definitely couldn’t see it since she didn’t have a magnifying glass. 
  2. If you google “accidental erection at the doctor,” you’ll get tons of results that are forums and discussion boards where doctors basically say it’s common and is no biggie (not a dick size joke). 

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