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QUESTION FOR ALL CRAIGSLIST USERS: Are you trying to get murdered?

People really shouldn’t be using craigslist for anything anymore…pretty much ever. You may have heard people joke about it being a cesspool that festers crime, personal victimizations, and murders. You may not have–you may be deaf, for instance. If you aren’t deaf, you are probably aware of the horror stories that have come from craigslist.

If you have used Craigslist to buy anything, you know how sketchy of a situation it can be. I have only used Craigslists once and it was when my laptop broke on me during midterms of my senior year of college and I had to buy a used one as an emergency. Since there were midterms, all of the public computers at the library and computer labs were being used at pretty much all times. I couldn’t ask a friend to borrow one of theirs because I needed to use it pretty much all day and they needed it at that time. If I brought my laptop to the Apple store they’d never have it ready in time. Plus, a broken laptop at apple costs almost as much as it does to buy a new one.

So I found a super old laptop being sold by a 65-year-old guy who was selling this piece of shit for 40-bucks. He told me that he was selling it because he was cleaning out his garage getting ready for a move and found it hiding there somewhere. No shit. It was obvious he hadn’t touched the thing in years just by how dusty it looked in the photo he posted of it. It was like 6 inches thick in width and the screen was fucking massive. It ran on some way out of date micro-soft windows and had the classic “Bliss” desktop background everyone older than 13 knows:

Location of the Microsoft Windows XP Default Wallpaper – Sonoma ...

The man said it ran as good as new. The man was either lying and it didn’t run “as good as new” or it truly did run as good as ever and computers just were that bad back when this dinosaur was last used. She took roughly 2 hours to turn on, an hour to log in after that, and an hour to set up the internet connection. But it had a “notepad” app and that was all that I needed. After the mecca that was trying to submit my paper with this old beast, I tried to look up porn for a little post-finals relief. Needless to say, she wasn’t able to handle that kind of legwork. It still sits in a deep section of my storage space in case of another emergency. Weighs about 10,000 pounds. Guy probably wanted to get rid of it because he didn’t have the strength to open it up anymore.

Mandelbaum on Make a GIF
This was the only Gif I could put here.

That being said, he planned on bringing it all the way to my apartment..which I found a little odd since he lived way outside of the city and the money I was paying him for the laptop pretty much was just going to cover his gas for the trip, but whatever. When he got to my place, I realized how dangerous the whole situation was. I’m not an idiot so I told him I’d come meet him outside at his car, but I could easily see a murderer in my situation (I am definitely not a murderer of humans) saying “bring it to apartment 3f I’ll buzz you in” and then the guy comes to the apartment and I kill him.

Script To Screen: “American Psycho” - Go Into The Story

That or I invite him to my apartment and he kills me.. Why did I think of myself in the murderers shoes before I thought of a hypothetical where I was the victim? Strange. Or I could have seen this guy asking me to get into his car because I lived on a busy road. And then he locks the doors and hits me with a noxious gas and them I am done. Anyway, it became pretty apparent as to why these scenarios where you meet up with someone you know absolutely nothing about can get very sketchy very quickly.

(Thought Alert: An app or tablet designed for sketch drawing things with ease, call it Sketchy.)

I was looking at the Wikipedia Page for internet homicides the other day (not a murderer… was looking at this totally unrelated thing). The criteria for an internet homicide is when he victim and perpetrator meet online, as if that isn’t self-explanatory enough. Internet homicide can also refer to an internet suicide pact or consensual homicide. It’s absurd that consensual homicide is a real thing.

This is how I imagine consensual homicide goes. Also, drawing this was not easy… I wish there was some sort of app named Sketchy that would make doing this simple.

Of the handful of “notable internet homicides” that are listed on the page, it soon became apparent that there was a common theme on the list. Literally 9 of the 15 homicides that were listen on the page were people that met through craigslist. That’s more than half! That’s 3/5, or 60% (someone double check that math)!! That’s absolutely bananas. Now that isn’t saying that 60% of all internet homicides happen between people that meet on Craigslist, but it’s still way too much for comfort.

It makes sense why so many would use Craigslist. For starters, there is the total anonymity. You could completely lie about your name and who you were and rob someone and when they go to the cops to report them, all they’ll be able to tell the cops is the fake information they told you. That’s why they aren’t using facebook or Twitter or any of these other sites where you need an actual profile to use it because anyone with a brain will see that some sketchy as hell account is contacting them and never return their message.

If you have a brain, you’ll use the Facebook marketplace or anything that isn’t notorious for luring people into traps. At least then you can look into someones profile and see their friends and stuff like that. If you see they have like 2 facebook friends or look like a Catfish, don’t use it. Only use craigslist if you are trying to be murdered.

If you want to read about those 15 notable homicides on the wikipedia page, you can click here for page the you sicko.


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