opinion, Social, You’re being lied

Here are a Bunch of Tweets from an Account I hate and By the End of This, I Hope You Share my Feelings

Why this account and UberFacts are garbage:

It tweets the same facts over and over, meaning it is both too lazy to go on Wikipedia, or it thought that a certain tweet did not do as well as they thought it would.

It tweets the same facts as @Uberfacts (not that I like UberFacts, the two copy from headteacher and each share my hatred).

The facts are all wrong, askew, misinterpreted, or are massively broad,  over-exaggerations (For example, it will tweet ‘the most important factor” necessary to be happy. And two days later, it will tweet how something else is the most important thing for happiness). They don’t do shit to be correct, just want more traffic.

They is ignant. My captions are even more ignant.

 

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I know the answer to this one! It’s because the people who invented Tennis, aka Europeans, can’t count.

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I don’t think that’s “thy kingdom come” is supposed to mean in the Our-Father but to each their own.

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Me: Do you think I am dumb?

Man in Mirror: Nah Man! You are more smarter than I am!

Me: I am confused.

Man in Mirror: In summation, you are both crazy and dumb.

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Oh get off your fucking high horses, quiet people. There is nothing I can’t stand more than people who are quiet that think they’re better than everyone else, and are silently judging people and snivel to themselves because they think that they’re so clever. ,Lets be real, you are afraid of speaking, and afraid of what others will think of you.

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Sober Persians: Sparta is pretty. We should consider going after it.

Drunk Persians (with drunk goggles on): Damn! Sparta looking like a damn snack! All up in their Trojan get ups and shit. 300 looking more like a porno than an underdog war story. I am tryna get see how greasy that small section of Greec can get!

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This was probably found out by someone who was really bored.

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PETA is getting god damn ridiculous.

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That’s like Toyota switching from manufacturing cars to boats…Uh, don’t know what I picked Toyota…lets go with Chevy. Yeah, that’s like Chevy switching to boats.

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Alicia clearly has never explore any popular gay porn sites. Um, not that I have either…

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And now we know why the of Lord of the Rings fanbase is 85% comprised of 30+ year-old virgins.

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No shit sherlock. “If you sleep, you will be more rested than you we’re before.” No shit. Tell me something more obvious…is murder illegal? Is the sky blue? Is the NCAA full of corrupt pigs? Was that an opinion?

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So that means somewhere in its Database, Facebook has noted that I was watching Czechoslovakian women shooting ping pong balls out of each of their holes (their goal was to try and shoot one ball out the ass, and one out the V but at the same time and into a bucket…they didnt do it. But it was really fascinating).

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some lucky lady is probably out there with a shrine dedicated to me, writing down Mrs. McNamara over and over again in a notebook, fantasizing about me, her prince charming. I wonder who it is… I wonder if I’d be disappointed.

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I wonder what it’d feel like to be burning alive while giving birth….maybe Casey Anthony will tell me when I see her burning in hell.

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So who the hell is using the 36 grand it cost me to learn things I could have just read on Wikipedia?

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Oh yeah? My parents are divorced…don’t see how that really applies here dickhead.

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Yeah it might be your brain trying to figure it out, but it can’t be healthy to be thinking about your job 24/7. If you’re dreaming about spreadsheets every-night, you might as well blow your brains out.

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You can’t even sleep correctly.

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You know what will be really hilarious is when people askew this statistic because they find out they die for another reason, and then get super depressed, which then speeds up their death date.

 

Pls like share and follow and if you don’t, I swear to God, every piece of paper in this town will have the F-word on it. The f-word. You have one day.

opinion, Sports

NFL’s Worst Team This Season is So Bad That They’d Do Better If They We’re Actively Trying To Lose

“Forget just losing at home, they’re losing 42-10,”–the big cuck Joe Buck.

As I write this, the Arizona Cardinals (1-5) are losing to the Denver Broncos (2-4) by a whopping 42-10. And if you didnt know this already, the Denver Broncos are sort of a monstrosity this season, which makes how badly the Cardinals lost make them look that much worse. Case Keenum, who has sucked for 15 years of his career barring his one good season last year, is back to the old Case Keenum.

Coming into this game, the Broncos have been the worst NFL team at defending the run. The Broncos gave up 593 rushing yards in the last two games. It was comparable to rushing against the Broncos defense on Madden, with the difficulty setting dialed to Rookie. For Good-dell Sake, the Broncos made the Jets look like a playoff caliber team after losing 34-16.

We’ve known that the Cardinals have been struggling, but many we’re expecting to see them bounce back just a little by utilizing their elite running back, David Johnson. Nope. The Arizona Atrocity only has 64 rushing yards in total, 14 of which came from a Josh Rosen scramble. David Johnson has 14 carries for 39 yards…a woeful 2.8 yards per carry. Rosen as thrown 3 interceptions, and fumbled twice. Every single turnover stemming from the Cardinals Cardinal-Player…Josh Rosen.

Seriously, it felt like every other drive ended with an INT or the ball was on the ground. The Broncos would just take the ball and suddenly be like a b-string offense; it seemed like every quarter there was a takeaway with the Broncos defense on a fast break to the end zone.

I honestly think this team is worse than the Browns were in their winless season last year. Think about how bad a team has to be to lose by 35 points to a notoriously bad team that is dealing with all sorts of inner strife and complications. Not only that, Von Miller made them look absolutely stupid. Every so often, an athlete emerges that can both talk the talk and walk the walk. They are the ones that boast about how badly they’ll beat someone. They look like a cocky asshole and a douchebag…until they beat the people as badly as they said they would.

Muhammad Ali fans loved him because he’d boast about how easy it’d be to win…and then he’d get in the ring and make beating his opponent look like a breeze. Conor Mcgregor earned the loyalty of millions of fans because he’d dominate his opponents in and out of the ring. Those that watch Mcgregor promotions and weigh ins can usually expect a verbal slaughtering to occur.

“He said why you talking shit?”

“Or What? You gonna do something over there? Shut yo fookin Mouth.”

I am not even the biggest Mcgregor fan. He’s the guy I pull for in UFC of course, but that’s because his story line is a lot of what keeps UFC relevant. People wouldn’t care nearly as much if the Notorious wasn’t stirring things up for the sport. Trash talking, and backing it up, can literally affect the entire sport:

I mean, not only did Mcgregor make Alvarez look bad, he made himself look like the Michael Jordan of his sport. I mean, with that win, McGregor was the first ever UFC fighter to hold two championship belts in two different weight classes. The fact that he changed weight classes to fight Alvarez and made beating Alvarez look easy reaffirmed his complete dominance over the sport.

That’s what happened here tonight. Von Miller of the Broncos has been the story around the NFL this week as he threw a little shade at their Arizonian opponents. To clarify, Specifically chose the word “shade” since Arizona is notoriously sunny, dry, and hot. At least my pen pal thinks I am funny. We always joke about how his handwriting reminds me of my Dad’s.

When Von Miller was asked if the game Arizona was a “must-win,” the Vonster from your nightmares replied that Denver was, “gonna kick (the Cardinals) ass.” And that is exactly what they did…especially on defense. Screenshot (66).png

Considering Von Miller is the captain of the defense, he really needed his boys to smack the Cardinals and fulfill his promise. Five forced turnovers in a 45-10 win? I wouldn’t classify that as kicking their ass, I’d classify that as swinging a Round-house at their butt holes.

Just like every good trash talker ever, the Cardinals looked abysmal, and the Broncos looked fierce. Before this week, everyone wrote off the Broncos with the expectation that another shitty year is coming their way. After bending over Arizona, Troy Aikman and Joe Buck had a conversation about them making the playoffs. Quite a turn around in reputation from another losing season to playoff bound.

But you have to ask yourself, are the Broncos really that good? Or are the Cardinals just that bad? I’d argue the Cardinals are that bad. They’re led by a cocky rookie that buckles under any type of pocket pressure and is clearly not ready to be a starting quarterback. Rose was once considered the clear top quarterback coming out of the draft–a quarterback good enough to publicly reject Cleveland from drafting him. Who’da thunk that he’d be playing the worst behind Baker Mayfield, Josh Allen, and Sam Darnold?

Oh yeah, I did.

General Humor, opinion, Social

Ever Wondered if Someone was Truly a ‘weirdo?’ Their Response to This Question will tell you Whether or Not they Are Cause for Concern

So I am pretty sure I just figured out a damn life hack formula. You know how there are some people who you just get along with…maybe they aren’t perfect, but after a conversation or two, you think, “he’s pretty normal…I could see myself being friends with that guy.” You think no more no less, just that he seems like an alright dude.
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Then there are the people that you have one conversation and instantly realize that there is no way you’d ever be friends with this guy, and that you’ll tolerate said person if you absolutely must, but that’s it. He gives you the skeeves and is comfortable staring at you in silence… yeah that guy is someone you are going to try and have minimal contact with.

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Then there is the guy who you really aren’t sure if you could see yourself being friends with them. You know, the guy who is a coworker who looks normal because he’s always wearing sports gear and never wears a bowtie. He’s similar age to you so everyone in the office sort of expects you to become best friends and eat every lunch together, but something about him makes the situation really awkward. He is on the quieter side and seems like he’s smarter than he is dumber, but his brain is probably has a 60-40% ratio of smart parts to dumb parts. He says things at times that can be really funny, other times he doesn’t respond, and other times you don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.

So is he normal enough to be friends in the real world, or just a little too off to be anything more than friendly coworkers? Here is what you do:

Next time he or she is giving an unpopular thought, opinion, talking about a strange theory they have, or even something small like an organizational preference that most would find to be abnormal behavior–respond to them with this simple question:

“You’re kind of a weird guy, huh Cole?”

And their response is crucial. I formulated this theory after I witnessed someone ask that very question to a coworker, and the response was enlightening. I have heard people pose that query in a playful and teasing manner, and have never heard the response like today.

Normal– A normal guy will either laugh, or respond in a way where he or she steers into the skid, embracing their weirdness. They are comfortable being hypothetically weird as they know they are not, and aren’t self conscious about it. You’ll probably get a response like, “oh I am so weird…you don’t even know the half of it.”

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Weirdo– Like the coworker did today, the weirdo man will either  be taken back at the question, or immediately try and defend himself. Today, my coworker responded to that question with, “What? Look, I am a normal guy, but just because I have a few weird habits and like my desk a certain way, does that suddenly make me some freak?” Uh yes.

The weird guy minds being called weird because he knows deep down inside that he does some strange things, so he defends himself to change your mind. The normal person won’t care, and almost takes pride in his quirky hobbies. Stay on the look out folks. But ti was just bizarre. Who defends themselves like that? We are all weird, it’s actually more abnormal for you to be completely normal. Clearly, the weirdo in this situation is self conscious about other people finding out of his abnormalities and thinks about it often.

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It’s simple psychology backed by absolutely no evidence and zero wikipedia research.  even type it into the google search bar built into my mac. Just pure scientific, factual, educated-guess theory.

CONSPIRACY ALERT: A reader believes that I was actually the weirdo in this scenario and defended myself when a coworker posed that question. The reader clams that he or she believes that I was asked if I was a weirdo, and when I floundered under pressure, I thought to myself, ‘wow, that is a really good way of finding out if someone is a freak or not.’ I would like to dispel these rumors NOW as Fake News! It’s the deplorables at it again! Trump jokes aside, the conspiracy is not true, nor is the story at all. It’s entirely hypothetical, basically to explain that, if ask a weirdo if they are one, they’ll defend themselves. If they are not, they really won’t care about your rude and intrusive question. I am NOT A WEIRDO, SO PLEASE STOP SENDING ME THOSE LETTERS WHOEVER YOU ARE.

Drop the true weirdos for the people willing to claim they are weirdos, because they are not really weirdos #IntentionallyWeirdSentence.

200QX18

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QX18
“Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.”