Health and Lifestyle, Technology

Did I just muscle Verizon Wireless into Accepting my Donation for California Wildfire Disaster Relief?

American Red Cross has teamed up with like every Wireless Cell-phone provider and making it insanely easy to contribute to the California Wildfire Relief Fund. Text “CA Wildfires” to 909-99 to make a $10 dollar donation (which will appear on your wireless bill). It may hard for some of us to envision what Californians are going through right now since it’s likely that most of us haven’t seen any type of major fire. Most likely, the biggest fire you’ve seen is a bonfire for a Pep Rally or some burning man, music festival shit.

The Wake Forest Homecoming bonfire on Davis Field, Friday, September 29, 2006.
Wake Forest Bonfire after Pep Rally during parents weekend.

In any case, it’s super easy to donate now. Before Red Cross went digital, the only way could help was by mailing in a donation. And you know the only type of mailing millennial’s and Gen Z’ers know how to do is e-mail. Not gonna lie, in the extremely rare instances that I have to mail anything, I have to:

A. Google how to Write down then Delivery and Return Addresses
B. Buy Envelopes and Stamps
C. Google The proper envelopes and stamps for my mail
D. Go to the Post office because I don’t really know if I am supposed to put it in my mail box or those blue mailbox bins you see on the corners of the street or under my door or wait for the mailman or a P.O. box (wtf is a P.O. box?)…ugh, I’d rather just go to the office and hand it to the guy behind the counter who just takes it and sends it for me.
E. I need to beg the man or woman behind the counter to help me and pretty much do all this shit with/ for me.
F. If they can’t help me (AKA do it for me…out of the goodness of their heart), I go to the UPS walk-in store and pay extra for them to do it. Ugh, can’t I just email whatever the hell I need to send? A virtual candy basket it just as good as a real candy basket…it’s the thought that counts.

Anyway, I tried to donate. I get a message from the Verizon automated response system that says they can’t accept my donation because of some SMS block on my account. Because I am such a giving person (but I am more of one of those people who are charitable for selfish purposes like so they can brag about how charitable they are and get all the glory), I was pissed. I lashed out and responded to Verizon.

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And Then, Verizon texted back………

…………with a confirmation of my donation.

“Fuck that noise.” That is the phrase that changed everything in my life. That is the phrase that will go down in infamy when I stared the brutish- tech Goliath down and made it shame their actions. When a grizzly bear is present and has you in its sight, you do not run.m helping these Californians. My drive to be charitable and help people is You slap on your bravery and stand up and get as big as you can and you deter the beast.

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That’s right. I geared up and I jarred Verizon’s automated response system loose. “Fuck that noise.” A simple phrase that said so much more. It said, “There is nothing you can do to stop me from unlike any giving person you have seen before. Not even the religious missionaries that devote their lives to helping the people of 3rd world countries. Not even the members of the peace corps that devote years of their life to living in squalor for the benefit of others. Not even Ghandi himself. My drive to give comes from a stronger place than any other: my ego. There is no sweeter joy than telling someone of all the charity you do, and seeing “the look” on their face. The look that says, this guy is a better person than I am. It is necessary I must help. I implore you to open then gateway to my donations.”

And like that, it was accepted. I helped. I did my part. Did you?

I am terribly sorry that something has bad as this is happening to the people of California. I mean, they’re literally getting their Earth scorched. Scorched Earth is military strategy where one warring party burns all land and resources and everything of their opponent’s. And it does so much damage that The United Nations Collectively decided to make the scorched earth military strategy as an international war crime at the Geneva Convention of 1977. And there’s no need to say thank you, I was just doing the right thing.

You’re welcome, my sweet Cali.

 

**Editor’s Note: I’d like to personally redact my take in an earlier blog of which I discussed how non-existent fires are today, in addition to how useless paid firefighters are. Obviously I was wrong. Obviously.

Dating, Technology

Does Your Lover Go Snooping through Your Phone? Have Them Arrested for Violating A Federal Crime

The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986 effectually makes any unauthorized use of a computer a criminal offense. The acts was basically implemented to protect the owner of the computer, originally designed to make sure that computer crimes would not go unpunished. The intent was to protect people’s business data (like financial records or clientele) and punish anyone that attempted to obtain classified information from the U.S. Government.Image result for hacker

You have the legal right to call the police on anyone that uses your computer. The next time your boy tries to set meatspin.com as your homepage, just call up the boys in blue to get them. Then they’ll be the one’s seeing meat-spin all of the time when they’re in prison. eqwef

If your girlfriend tries to find pictures in your email where you sent this girl a picture of your dick and you don’t know what it is with females but you’re not too good at that shit because you can have yourself a good girl and still be associated to them hood-rats but you just blame everything on her...do exactly that! Blame everything on her ! You may be the scumbag, but you’re not the one breaking any federal laws! Have her cuffed…didn’t she always want to try that in bed? (Source of Italics: Kanye West, “Runaway”).

The CFAA created more than 30 years go. Computers back then we’re entirely different machines than computers today. We wouldnt even know how to use them today…you’d have to imput a bunch of commands and you’d have no idea how to nor what they even are:

Old Computer For Work

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Compare these to the computer you keep in your pocket

Smartphones are protected under the CFAA as they’re considered computers. I mean, they basically are computers–and it makes sense that they’d be protected by the CFAA because most people have sensitive or personal data on their smartphones that are also are on their computers. Literal businesses are run on smartphones and tablets. You have to admit that Tablets should be considered computers because they’ll have someones entire lifework on them. And on that note, you really can’t consider a tablet and a smartphone separate things because an Ipad is just a bigger iPhone.

 

So next time your psycho jealous insecure boyfriend goes snooping through your phone to see who you’ve been texting or DM’ing, just know you can call the police. And you probably should call the police because it sounds like your boyfriend is the insanely jealous type that can pop off at any time…maybe the cops should be there when he goes through your phone. You may not have done anything wrong, but you never know how someone will interpret something harmless or find something about an ex that you forgot to delete…they say that if you go looking for something you don’t want to find, you will always see it. Ignorance is bliss.

Snooping (1)

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Trouble in Paradise

Also sharing Netflix passwords isn’t illegal, despite what you’ve heard. You can’t use a password someone shared with you to steal anything from them, but if they’re letting you use their Netflix, you’re fine. Everyone needs to chill the f**k out about password sharing. This law was made to stop hackers, not crack down on movie watching. Everyone has a wild misconception that computer hackers know all sorts of software and break down all sorts of firewalls, or like “hack into the mainframe.”

The reality is that Hackers just trick you into giving them personal information about yourself so they can answer security questions about you so they can prove to your bank, Venmo, etc., and then steal your shit once they are convincing enough. They don’t even always try and get information from you via computer: hackers do stuff like call you acting like a bank representative or pretending to be telemarketers selling a product you might be interested in.