Entertainment, Movies, Uncategorized

Sarah Jessica Parker is Viciously Countersuing Claim that She stole $150,000 of Jewelry

Looks like Hurricane-Florence has a chance of hitting New York as Kat Florence is brewing up a storm for SJP. Kat Florence Design is suing Sarah Jessica Parker, alleging SJP $150,000 “stole” worth of Jewlery.

What Happened-  Kat Flo Design hired SJP for a campaign shoot. SJP was given some of the Jewlery from the shoot to wear at “red carpet evens and other appropriate events.”  Kat Flo says that SJP “requested to borrow the jewlery for “personal use.” SJP’s attorney says that SJP, “was asked to keep” the bling to wear at these events.

Kat Flo said that the Sex in the City failed to return the jewelry after the DOCUMENTED agreed upon date. SJP, who retaliated with a counter lawsuit, said that she not only tried to return the jewlery, she is owed money because Kat Florence Design failed to make their contractually obligated payments for SJP’s jewelry wearing services.

Here are some pics on the ‘gram:

 

What Should Have Happened: SJP made a deal with Kat Florence Design: SJP agreed to  free campaign endorsements for Kat Florence. In exchange to use Florence’s jewelery store to film her new Heist movie of which she is producing and starring.

SJP’s character breaks in to the Jewelry store. Her character is a strong woman with strict morals (typical Carrie Bradshaw), hoping that it might alleviate the guilt she feels from her horrible past. (We learn that she used to be a slave from mind-control. She worked  butchered newborn babies for her boss: a reality-based version of Gary Bussey–played by himself.

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After being saved by the bell’s Zack Morris aka Mark-Paul Harry Gosselaar (someone should slap Mark-Paul Harry’s parents for naming him that), SJP-character’s mind went back to normal, but because she remembered every single baby, she does as much as she can to redeem her soul). Years later, a man somehow got Bussey’s mind-control device and forces her to steal the jewelry.)

Anyway, devised a plan to steal the jewels by using her movie character. SJP’s character has to replace the jewelry with fakes, so SJP really does rob the store. SJP was working  late on set–the only other person there was the security guard. When he went to take a massive shit, SJP ran around swapping the real  jewelry with the movie replicas. With the real jewelry being used as replica’s, SJP swaps them again for her scene.

After finishing filming, SJP swapped them again when cleaning up. She gave Florence the replica’s, and accepted the real ones–Florence was tricked into thinking she was getting her real jewels back, and giving SJP’s movie props to her. Not the sase. Florence unknowingly watched SJP walk out with the real jewels in hand. Brilliant. Roll credits.

 

Reality:

No offense to Kate Florence Design, but it sounds like SJP didn’t steal jack shite. Firstly, Sarah Jessica Parker has a net-worth of $100 million according to celebritynetworth.com. $100,000,000. That’s a lot of zero’s. And if she shares her account with her husband, Matthew Broderick, she has access to $145 million dollars.

Kate Florence Design, if SJP wanted the jewelry that badly, she could have boughten the jewelry for 0.1% of the money she has. Imagine how little you would care if someone told you they lost a lot of your money, but you still have 99.9% of your $145,000,000, which is $144,850,000. That’s 145 Million, 850 Thousand dollars. If you dropped the 145 Million from that number, you still have a fuck-ton of money. Florence, please be realistic. A person with doesn’t steal $1.

And why the hell would you want someone with awful fashion sense to endorse your accessory design?

sarah-jessica

That’s like drinking a drink from serial date-raper Bill Cosby because he said you should. It’s totally not drugged.

And SJP…. come on… stop throwing a hissy fit. It’s one thing to deny the claims for your name, but do you really need to countersue? I mean, all she’d be giving up is $1…….if she had a thousand. Plus… SARAH JESSICA PARKER STILL HAS THE DAMN JEWELRY. She thought she got paid to keep it! Just give it back, why go through the trouble? Out of spite? Anger? Parker makes it seem like this is a personal thing–acting like there may be more to the story than we know. But then again, you’ve seen her movies… that woman does not know how to act!

 

This suit should not be a case. They made a contract for this situation…. just read the contract and do what it says. What’s the matter? Can they not read goodishly?

They have a god damn contract about it. The jusge is literally going to read the damn thing and tell them what to do.

Maybe that isn’t how it works… I think people argue contractual law in court a lot so I could be wrong.

Parker may be ruthless. Florence may be roofless. Only one is truthless. I am a doofus.

Entertainment, Men's Health, Uncategorized

20-year Study finds link between Forehead Wrinkles and Heart disease–A List of Celebs Who Should go to the Cardiologist

These French Scientist’s just made half of the world panic when their 20 year study found that prominent forehead wrinkles is tell-tale sign for cardiovascular disease.

So yeah, thanks for making everyone ever think they’re going die soon, assholes.

Anyway, here’s a list of celbrities who should maybe go to the cardiologist for a well-visit.

Mark Wahlberg

All I can say is jesus christ Mark Mark. If you he anymore confused or suprised or anything that will kae his forehead scrunch, he’ll  have a heart attack on the spot.

I mean damn, the indents on that thing make the space between his eyes look like a hot dog bun.

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Marky Marks-All-Over-His-forehead

 

Michael Madsen (Actor from resoivoir dogs, more recently Hateful Eight

Um…ew? The fuck is going on above that right eyebrow?

 

Hugh Laurie— AKA house.

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smallhouse

 

 

 

House is really the only thing anyone knows him for, yet no one knows why they called him house. Rumors have speculated that it is because many long and straight wrinkles on his forehead look remarkably similar to the exterior lining of a house

 

Pictured here is a trendy new style of living space called a “Micro-house,” or coloquially “Hugh Laurie’s Disgusting Forehead.”

 

 

 

Sean Penn

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Is he okay?

Did he already have a heart attack or stroke?

 

 

 

 

Mel Gibson

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Braveheart or diseased heart?

 

 

“This Anti-semite needs anti-wrinkle cream!!!!!” I audibly exclaimed.

 

 

 

 

Chef Gordon Ramsay

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Yeah no shit he’ll have heart disease….Remember when Ramsay used to scream at the top of his lungs at the chef’s on Hell’s Kitchen? He probably has arteries so hardened that they’re made of concrete.

 

Lebron James

Lebron-James-Hair-Transplant

Cleveland fans argue that Lebron James has no heart since he walked out on Cleveland for a second time. Does the correlation between forehead wrinkles and cardiovascular disease still work if you dont have a pumping ticker (and the relative circulatory system).

Trendy jokes aside, Lebron’s forehead resembles a multi-laned turnpike.

Cleavage (noun) is defined as “a sharp division; a split.” Unforuntely, I am not smart enough to come up with a respectable joke that links the word “Cleavage” with “Cleveland” and his forehead wrinkles, but I will say this: I can and will start referring to Lebron as cleavage face.

Tommy Lee JonesTommy-Lee-Jones

While our country cannot thank him enough for the many times Tommy Lee has put his life on the line to save all of Earth in Men In Black, this ain’t no country for old men. You can’t have a forehead that resembles one of the very aliens in your line of work:

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Steve Buscemisteve-buscemi

Steve Buscemi is truly ana amazing person and talented, multi-faceted actor.  I hate that he made this list and I hate that I am quoting wikipedia for this fact beause I was too lazy to think of a summary for it but,

“Buscemi was a New York City firefighter from 1980 to 1984, with Engine Company No. 55, in the Little Italy section of New York. The day after the 9/11 attacks in New York, he returned to his old firehouse to volunteer: he worked twelve-hour shifts for a week, and dug through rubble looking for missing firefighters.”

Awesome.

That being said, Buscemi was probably born with wrinkles on his face. Stinks too because Buscemi could play any role perfectly,

except for…ya know…a role that requires a good looking male.

 

 

Sean Bean

Wasted-sean-bean-screenshot

Ned Stark’s wrinkles really arent that bad, but that initial concave basin that goes fom his eyesbrows to the first crease is mesmorizing. Bean must have to dry that thing out after a shower so it doesnt get moldy.

 

Russel Crowe

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People typically wrinkles around your eyes (also known as “laughing wrinkles”) as “Crow’s feet. We should start calling the wrinkles on your forehead “Crow’s forehead.”

 

Or not, it was just a suggestion.

 

Goerge Clooney

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We now invite every other 50-60 year old that grew up, had kids, and worked a hard, boring life at a cublicle to join us in laughing at Goerge Clooney.

Heart disease is what you get for being single all your life and being a movie star and partyign and enjoying all the finer things (AKA any model he wants). We are happy that there will be one consequence to the amazing life that most midlife men envied, and you enjoyed.

Fuck you Clooney,  have fun with your terrible circulation.

 

 

Robert Deniro

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Humor me and picture Robert Deniro saying this in one of his organized crime role voices:

“Who do ya think ya talking to, Huh? I got wrinkles on my face? Huh? Who the fuck do you think you talkin’ to here, huh?”

 

Deniro spawned a 55+ year career off of his famous scrunched forehead and raised eyebrow look. Dead ass this man has been acting since 1963. 55 years of doing anything is gonna leave a little wear and “tear”….. too bad that the thing he’ll “tear” is his thoracic aorta.

 

 

 

Final Note

Yours truly is a lover of all women  of all types. Out of respect for the beautiful babes, in addition to my sister and mother,  I chose not include any women in this article. No need for the hate-shaming on them, you know (plus most female celebrities got that shit smoothed out by botox anyway lol).

Keeping that in mind, I jsut have to include Reese Witherspoon’s forhead hoping that someone can tell me what. in. the. fucking. hell. is. with. the. smooth. part. above. her. eyebrows.?

Reese Witherspoon

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I’m sorry but somebody somewhere made a mistake. Whether it’s god,  her plastic surgeon, her makeup person, someone slipping  her botox while she sleeps, etc., someone is doing something incorrectly on this woman’s forehead.

 

 

Uncategorized

Study Finds FDR’s Legacy is Full of Lies, Motion Made to Redefine the “Dirty 30s” as one of Dustbowls and Deceit. — The Academy of El Pres

https://videopress.com/embed/DWQGmpUp?hd=0&autoPlay=0&permalink=0&loop=0

Dear Americans, We try not to be political here, but we’ll scratch your back if you scratch ours. We must report this as a responsibility to American History (you all owe us now). You have been lied to by the President. No it’s not Trump. I am talking about THE PRESIDENT. FDR gave […]

via Study Finds FDR’s Legacy is Full of Lies, Motion Made to Redefine the “Dirty 30s” as one of Dustbowls and Deceit. — The Academy of El Pres