Movies, You’re being lied to

Have you Ever Heard a Parent Shrieking Outside of a Burning Building Their Child is Trapped in And Felt Urged to Help? Too bad.

Have you ever wondered why the parent screaming, “Help! My baby is in there!’ outside a burning building?

I mean, what bad parent would run out of a burning building before helping their child? You’d think that they’d stay their, doing anything for their child. Most parents would agree that they’d trade their lives to save their kid’s. And most would go down with a fire trying to save their child, especially if they couldn’t get to the child due to wreckage.

I am sure that had that weird, “I feel like I’m forgetting something,” feeling when she was gunning it down the fire escape. Watch this scene where Tobey Maguire gives a baby he saved from a burning building to back this ABSOLUTELY UNSCATHED couple.

You could argue that the person chose to run outside and grab a firefighter to come chop through the wreckage, but could you really ever leave your child there alone, to wonder if they’re going to die or not? I doubt it. And honestly, the human body can do amazing things when in extraordinary, grave situations (shout-out to adrenaline for helping people lift up cars). There is nothing stronger than a parent’s sheer fucking will to save their child.

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Lets say that in our hypothetical situation, the parent that was crying outside did everything they could for as long as they could until the fire raged to a point where they thought that abandoning the kid to go outside and scream for help was their last and only option.

If you ran in to help the kid, do you really think that there is something that you can do that a Parent couldn’t do to save their kid?We are capable of astonishingly breath-taking feats of strength and pain to save our children, like lifting up cars or blocking out the pain from a gashing wound. Interstellar told us that evolution tells us that ensuring our kid’s survival becomes our will to live. We live for our children. We die for our children. What in Santa Clause’s asshole do you think your over-confident ass could do in a fire that the crying parent couldn’t?

And by the way, you’re running into a fire that got so bad it forced said parent^ to leave. You are running into certain death. You cant help anyone if your body is roasted to a medium-well crisp.

Are there even fires anymore.

Well… not really, but still kinda, well I mean yes, but everything is relative, you know?

In 2015, there we’re about than 1,345,000 fires in the United States according to Fema.

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If you, like myself, reacted like the duck pictured above because 1.35 million fires is a preposterously large number. It literally made my super duper best friend in the whole entire world do a double (killer) take:

…also you should keep in mind that it really is not a preposterously large number for fires.Firstly, that stat counts each fire as any fire that firemen responded to. Meaning it includes everything from wildfires to restaurant kitchen mishaps.  Secondly, 1.35 million fires is actually down 19% annually since 2006

The US averaged 358k structure fires per year from 2011-2014, meaning any literally house, building, barn, outhouse, etc.  where “more than one of it’s components catches fire.”

Pretend all 358,000 structure fires came solely from households.  Only 0.28% of homes would be affected. 0.28%. For comparison, have a 1 in 7.2 chance of being disfigured, disabled, or killed by a parasite (13%) in your lifetime! 13%! Compare 13% to 0.28%. that isn’t even 0.28% of being injured by a fire! It’s a 0.28% chance that your home is one of the 358 thousand out of America’s 122.2 Million homes *affected* by a structure fire. Parasites! 1/7.2! Antibiotics now!

To make my argument stronger, I have chosen not to get a quote from a paid-fireman–mostly because I couldn’t frigging find one. It is easier to find the fountain of Youth or the city of el dorado than a professional fire-fighter (69% or 788,000 of all firefighters are volunteers).

Let that sink in.

More than 2/3rds of firemen are volunteers. No duh, the government isn’t going to pay firemen when there’s no fires. Being a firemen would be like being a lawyer in a country with no laws.

Of course, I am not belittling firefighters. I cant even imagine what it’s like to run into a burning building. tend to underestimate the danger firemen put themselves because they are wear fire-retardant gear. The reality is that the real danger comes from being crushed by something falling, or getting trapped under a ceiling. It’s hard to imagine running into a task with the goal of finishing one’s work before time runs out, which is when building collapsing on them. Talk about a job with a deadline.

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It’s even more unlikely that you’ll ever happen upon a fire-related emergency that is a structure fire.

It’s even more unlikely that you’ll ever happen upon a fire-related emergency that is a structure fire that all components head-to-toe are covered in flames.

It’s even more unlikely that you’ll ever happen upon a fire-related emergency that is a structure fire that all components head-to-toe are covered in flames and has one or more parents outside of it squawking about their trapped child whom they somehow left in the building.

It’s even more unlikely that you’ll ever happen upon a fire-related emergency that is a structure fire that all components head-to-toe are covered in flames and has one or more parents outside of it squawking about their trapped child whom they somehow left in the building, and has rubberneckers just watching the building ablaze, you’d ignore the bystander effect, attempt to take the responsibility normally assumed by Firemen, and ignore police shouting not to go in the building.

Okay so what did we learn?

–You’ll never be presented with a heroic situation to run into a burning building

–You are being dumb for running into the building

–Someone should question if it is in the best interest of the child to return to a parent that is willing to leave them for dead from a structure fire.

–If you really want to help you should either ask an officer or firemen or call social worker  for the self centered parent. Can’t stress that that person should not be a child’s dependent enough.

–You have a moderate chance of being killed or disabled by a parasite (1 in 7.2)– We need parasite-fighters not firefighters! If only people could be volunteer doctor’s like you could firemen. Too bad that will never happen because being a volunteer firemen doesn’t require hundreds of thousands of dollars and 8 years minimum minimum to be a doctor! And then 3 years of residency to know what your doing!

 

EDITORIAL UPDATE******* I just remembered that parents house burned down and lost everything in it. Now I feel really bad.

Entertainment, Movies, You’re being lied to

BREAKING: Student Discovers Legacy-Altering Subliminal Message(s) in the Spider-man Trilogy After Watching All Three In a Single Sitting

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Since The weather people are telling us that it might rain forever, kill some time inside by watching the OG Tobey Maguire Spider-man movies. Sit back, relax, and let your mind get blown by the man formally known as the Human Spider.

Here are my findings and underlying messages of each film. You might need to get a mop to cleanup your brains after I explode your mind:

Spider-man 1

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While milk-and-toast movie critics will tell you the first movie is about Spider-man using his newly aquired powers for good because of the guilt from Uncle Ben’s of deaPeter Parker chooses not to stop a robbery out of spite for not being paid in full after winning a wrestling match with a cash prize. Though he could have sandwiched the thief with his new powers, he decides not to help the money-guy since he basically just robbed Peter. The robber needs to flea from the cops, and threaten’s Uncle Ben–demanding Uncle Ben hand over his car. The criminal (supposedly) fatally shoots Uncle Ben.

The film stiffs will tell you:

“Spiderman stops crime out of harbored guilt of his selfishness and his failing to act in the situation–vowing to stop criminals and their resultant consequences, wanting to stop lawbreaker’s out of disdain for their willingness to let damaging consequences (i.e. Uncle Ben’s death) happen to good people.” –written by Iam Boring of Dull Monotony Magazine.

Clearly, Iam Boring didnt watch the films back–>to–>back–>to–>back, and back again, backwards, back-to<–back to<–back. Is have found that the first Spiderman is about a boy’s struggle to deal with puberty and his changing bodies.

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Just look at the overhwhelming evidence. Suddenly, Peter Parker wants to excrete this stick white substance from his body? He basically paints his room with his gooey, stringy excretion.by-the-way-that-wasnt-web-memegenerator-net-what-is-it-22079704

Peter has lived next to MJ his entire life and she barely knew it. He has to remind her that his name is Peter when he meets her. And all of the Sudden, Peter finally interacts with MJ?funny-spiderman-memes

All men want one thing, and Spidey wants to web all over her more than a real spider wants to catch a fly and engulf them in webby-cum.

And the Green Goblin as the enemy? Considering green is associated with greed and goblin’s are notoriously greedy (shout-out J.K Rowling), obviously because Peter feels internally distraught over his beliefs that his selfish acts spiraled into the eventual murder of Uncle Ben. He struggles to fight externally while internally struggles with feelings of despair due to his selfishness.

But teenagers are the most moody, overly emotional group of little shits out there. His changing body and mind causes him to be overly emotional, overthink, and over-blame. Puberty up to its old antics again. A sane adult eould realize that the chain reaction of events that all had to occur for Peter’s decision not to stop the robber to an end result of Uncle Ben being shot was wildly unlikely. That;s like your Dad dying on the way to 7/11 to get butter and you blaming yourself for it because you actually had margarine in the fridge. Would spidey be spidey if he didnt blame himself though?

 

Here is some film footage that further proves my point.  Money shot’s like that can only come from a young man discovering his changing body.

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Peter would kill for an MJ-BJ, HJ…would even settle for an MJ-OTPHJ or MJ-OTSSHJ (“over the spidey suit hand job”).

And we we’re all thinking that his first shooting of his white webby load looked like a POV money shot:

L mean literaly look at this photo. They’re not even hiding the fact that everything was supposed to relate to raging sex hormones. The green goblin is literally trying to pull Spidey’s hair! And his left hand is moving in for the reach-around tug:

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That is a POSED photo. There is no way this was consensual….Spiderman’s hands look like they are helplessly flailing…praying they can grab onto something to pull away. OsCorp may have CLAIMED that Norman Osborn stepped down from CEO due for financial, but the real reason was because his wrinkle dick pervy ass was being sued by multiple underage, male interns for sexual assault.

Please recall that Harry was always jealous that his father was impressed by Peter’s brilliance and ambition. It ate at Harry that his dad called Peter family after knowing him only for a few months.

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Hey Aunt MAy, I see your useless Queen of England looking ass over there discussing recipes or some shit…as his guardian. why don’t you pull the 17 year-old minor away from the perv because Norm has been squeezing Peter’s shoulder for a full minute and he literally has an expression on his face that screams “I touch kids and am having too much fun touching peter’s new muscular arms. I want to see Peter’s Peter and Penis Park Peter Parker.”

 

Even Bonesaw has some non-consensual, bondage sex undertones…especially considering a freacking cage drops down and locks Peter in with Bonesaw. Peter literally denies consent and says “No, I didnt sign up for this!”

And then Bonersaw says this:

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Fun Fact:

Bonesaw is a power The

 

 

 

 

The evidence is overhwelming. When Peter realizes he’ll be able to escape Bonesaw’s rape attempts, he mocks the man’s sexuality to his attacker’s frustration. Peter antagonizes Bonersaw, prodding and mocking:

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We do not condone homophobic remarks like this, but I cannot helo but pity how hard it is for teenagers  during puberty–sexually speaking.

 

Like all hormone enraged teens, he started becoming more angry and aggressive. Peter Parker wouldn’t even THINK of getting in a fight. And then he beats the shit out of flash?

Over, Peter literally went from being crying baby to Flash’s new father…because Peter let dat ass know that he’s his Daddy now.

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Uncle Ben and Aunt Mey defintely knew something was up with Peter and his Pubescent difficulties… they assumed he was probably just going through his teenage angst phase  where you wear all black and hate sitcoms.

 

 

Looks like Spiderman and I believe something in common:

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#SoRelatable

 

#SpideySensesAlwaysTingling

 

#MostSensativeSpideySensesAreLocatedOnTheTip

 

Spiderman 2

What a wild turn around for the Spiderman franchise the sequel’s main focal theme revolves around Erectile Dysfuntion. My expert guess is that the main director was sending a subliminal message to his General Practitioner about his ED, considering real manly man can get hard on command, and if you cant, you are soft, little, small, weak, floppy. Is this referring to your penis or your immasculation? Hey, if the shoe fits…

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Peter Parker’s personal life is falling apart as his entire focus is entangled in Spiderman’s tasks. He is losing MJ, he has no money, he can’t hold a job, is failing his classes, and his woe-is-me Aunt May is a broke ass.And like a man without confidence can’t get it up, Spiderman’s gradually loses his ability to jizz web out his wrists and climb walls.

Good news for MJ though…she noticed that spiderman had a habit of stalking her after their upside down kiss:

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He loses his vision, looks thinner and paler, and all around ugly.

Parker goes to the doctor and asks if there is something wrong with his health. The doctor finds no abnormalities.(the Doc must not have looked at his wrists and saw the freaky holes where the web comes out). The GP suspects that his symptoms are all in his head and causing psychosomatic symptoms.

Probably wouldve been better off at a vet or an expert on spider’s.

 

“Wtf?! Peter can lose his Spider-side? It’s not permanent. What the fuck does that doctor know about the anatomy and immune system of a human-spider hybrid?” you exclaimed.

“WTF?! Peter can just turn his Spider powers off and on with some fluctuation to his mental health? Does he have Bipolar depression? Does the spider that bit peter have mental problems? Can spiders feel depressed?” you exclaimed when Peter got his powers back after some self-help and renewed love for Mary Jane.

Think about that. MJ comes back in his life, they’re about to kiss for the first time (as Peter), and THEN HIS POWERS COME BACK? His powers come back forcefully– much harder and quicker than ever. It’s kind of like the first time you get laid after going through a sex drought…if you arent careful, that D is going to poke a god damn hole in your pants. Literally look and think about boners when you watch:

Do you still think it’s hard to believe? Or flaccid to believe?

If Spiderman cocked back a few viagra, would he have gotten his powers back? If a healthy spiderman took a blue bomber, would it be like spider-steroids? Probably, since most bonerific men have tried recreational viagra to perform better for their lady. Spider sure performed for MJ.

 

Spiderman 3

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You think you have it figured out. You have the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. You have found the mother of your children. You feel great. You’re job performance is perfectly better than ever. You are loved by everyone. You have achieved happiness. You are sure the rest of you’re life is figured out.

No one thinks all that is going to change. No one thinks they’ll let anything change that. No one thinks the life they thought that had figured out could derail one’s life path. No one ever thinks they’ll become a drug addict.

Spiderman 3 is about struggling with drug addiction–and considering it was release in 2007 with the increasing recognition of the opoid crisis. Venom in Spiderman 3 is a statement about our societies necessity for a demand of attention to not only opoids, but all drug addictions.

Things are going well in Spiderman’s life. Introduce venom  in the form of Spiderman’s black suit. Peter tries it on and immediately feels the pleasurable, rewarding, positively reinforcing nuerological response that happens with all addictive drugs.

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This initial feeling is what causes you to like doing the drug, and a reinforcing want to feel that enjoyment again is what causes you to seek it again.

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NOTE: This is a tangent. Feel free to skip. (Think how you get pleasure when you masturbate. You’re brain is seeking out this feeling of pleasure–the brain really likes it. So you do it regularly. And those with sex/masturbation addictions let it control their daily live’s, affecting their ability to do their daily functions, drugs. Throw in some Guns and Roses and you’ll disappoint every person pre-1960. Sex, drugs, rock and roll.)

We see how the venom takes over Peter’s life. Peter’s personality starts changing. His use goes up and eventually wears the venom suit all day, everyday under his clothing–not when he needs to fight. Parker actually looks high when walking down the street, dancing, making gestures to women, sporadically buying new and expensive clothes, and continued to dance.

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His high turns to uncontrollable anger, isolation from his peers, and a lack of care for important things in his life–classic signs of addiction. He could care less when on the phone with his Professor, Dr. Conners.

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Peter doesnt try to reconcile with MJ after a fight. Parker doesnt see Aunt May at all despite knowing her difficult situation and money struggles.  He physically attacks a coworker, absolutely beats the shit out of that sand dude, fucks up his bffl Harry’s face with a grenade, and the icing on the cake was hitting MJ across the face in a jazz bar.

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The shock that he could do that to MJ was finally Peter’s wakeup call. He decides to take off the suit…and like quitting drugs, it is incredibly hard for him to fight the urge to ward off the venom suit.

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But, as those succeeding in sobriety perservere. Parker would never accept venom’s parasitc nature again, eventually to defeat it forever (like an addict eventually defeats the urge to use entirely).

CONCLUSION: the point of the trilogy was to justify why you should be afraid of spiders…otherwise you’ll have to deal with all the shit Peter Park did.

 

Can’t wait to see the venom movie with Tom Hardy:

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His wife is lucky to be liked by a tongue like that.”

 

 

 

 

KILLERTAKES EXCLUSIVE: Venom Script Leaked Scene

Cop 1:Hey newbie,  i got an update…apparently Venom was canoodling with his wife, Poison, and had to stop eating his wife’s ass out because his tongue reached her esophagus………………..while they we’re 69’ing. Venom said he thinks he felt his penis. She was like the oral sex version of a kabob.”

Cop 2:  “Whoah, is she all right?”

Cop 1: “…Um, weren’t you the cop that found her body?”

Cop 2: “Oh yeah.”

Cop 1: ….

Cop 2: “She was hot.”

Cop 1: …..

Cop 2: …..

Cop 1: ……

Cop 2: “Well I guess it’s true: “Once you go black you never go back… you know…because you’re dead.”

Cop 1: Speaking into Cop Radio: “Dispatch please tell captian that if I don’t switch partners, I am quitting.”

Dispatch Lady Cop: Lmao why”

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PS:

“hey baby, is it opposite day? because victims of snake bites need the venom sucked and spit out…

…and I need you to suck on my snake to suck my venom out, but you won’t be spitting it out.”

You’re being lied to

MUST READ: This fact about Tic-Tacs will make you never want to buy them again

“Behold the true power of freshness.” This is the message that you’ll see on the website of the extremely popular breath mint brand, Tic Tac.

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Unfortunately, there is nothing “true” about Tic Tac’s. One of the main selling points of Tic Tacs® is the fact that they’re “sugar-free,”–something that their mint competitors just cannot compete with. I always thought that other breath mint company’s just didn’t have the means to create a recipe for a breath mint that was sugar-free, health-code abiding, and tasty enough.

Recently, I have been trying to lose weight to build my self-confidence. I try to buy healthier, sweeter options to satisfy my sugar cravings. Most often, this ends up in me buying fruity sugar-free gum or those orange Tic Tacs–you know, the ones that are basically fucking crack.

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But of course, I find out that Tic Tacs are quite literally the opposite of “sugar-free.” Tic Tac’s are almost made up entirely of pure sugar, however, the FDA permits that any serving “under 0.5 gram’s of sugar” is permitted to advertise that their product has 0 grams of sugar. Tic Tacs do indeed have less than 0.5 grams of sugar, however, the entire tac is made up almost entirely of sugar.

And I mean come on, obviously, we all know what you’re doing. Tic Tac purposely makes their serving size only one mint for false advertising reasons. Who the hell only eats one tic tac? I literally will chug a bottle of them. Just the feeling of having one tic tac in your mouth in uncomfortable. Is one tic tac even enough to make your breath fresh?

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Other than the fact that you might be wrecking your diet, please try to spread the word to any that might be affected by health concerns–such as diabetics and anyone else that is sensitive to sugar.

Behold the true power of deceit.