Entertainment, Sports

Brown’s 21-17 Win Over Jet’s Solidifies that Cleveland Fan-Base Sucks, Arguably the Worst Fans in All Sports

Cleveland sports are often associated with misery, gloominess, loss, and a general feeling of depression. Why is it that everytime we picture Cleveland sports, there’s always a cloudy sky? Even though the Cavaliers play inside at Quicken Loans Arena, isn’t it still somehow god damn cloudy?

Brown’s fans are rejoicing for their first win in 20 games. You’d think the Brown’s won a lottery that they all chipped in for so they could buy decent players.If any other fan’s talked the way Brown’s fan’s are, people would be squashing their happiness with shit-talk. Internet trolls work fast. browns-fans-after-week-2-onflmeme-broluns-browns-fans-now-18355354

However, this isn’t happening withe Browns. And If you express how you think Brown’s fans are over-celebrating and over-estimating how big of a feat their first win is to  any football fan, they’ll respond with, “Oh come on. They’ve had such bad luck for so long– they deserve it.” They deserve it? Why? For being disloyal to their team? Just because you root for a team that’s been brutally mismanaged by its owners for years doesn’t entitle you to jack shit. Cry about it.

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Is it because you spent $200 on that mask just to cheer for an 0-16 season?

First of all, with the way Brown’s fan’s are celebrating their win, you’d think the Son of God reincarnated himself to return as the Brown’s starting quarterback, while Satan and his demons ran the defense.

Ok relax dog pound. One single game was won. One. Against the Jets. I know that there can sometimes be “get over the hump” effect where it might feel really hard to get that first win, and once that win comes the W’s start rolling, but get realistic. It’s been one win. You know who else has 1 win in the NFL’s opening 3-weeks? The Jets. Boom. Need I say more?

The Brown’s getting their first W against the Jet’s is like losing your virginity to a hired hooker. Yes, you technically got what you wanted, but do you really want that to be your first?

Secondly, Brown’s fans are just the most disrespectful fans in the game. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around how disrespectful Brown’s fans are for their team.

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This is something that a fanbase of opposing team’s do. I think the eagles did something like this during for their opponents in Minnesota during the playoffs last year.

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Why would the player’s even want to win for fans that are so disrespectful to them?

After all this, the Brown’s organization recognized that their fan-base has sort of given up on hoping for win’s. The fan’s stop rooting for their team, and game attendance declined.

The Brown’s organization had to incentivize their fans to come to their games, get fans rooting for the Brown’s again. The Cleveland Brown’s now have their famous “beer-prize.” Everytime Cleveland gets a win, bud light fridges all over the CITY open up and free beer is given to the fans. Literally the city is supplied with beer for a giant party.

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Loyal fans would agree with me that nothing keeps you from rooting for your team. Additionally, loyal fans would never not go to a game just because their team sucks. Even if they are so bad that it’ almost a guaranteed loss, loyal fans go to the game no matter what–even if the game doesn’t even matter in the long run. Brown’s fans were disloyal and abandoned ship, only to come back when the organization literally begged the fans to root for them again by promising free beer with every win. No matter how much a team may struggle, you’ll never see a team from the NFC East beg their fans to attend with free beer. Thick and thin.

Football stadiums stop serving alcohol early in the 3rd quarter to help ensure that no one can buy alcohol too close to possibly operating a car. I guess Cleveland promotes drunk  driving:

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Hmmm…nothing about DD’s or DWI’s here.

Oh, here’s another thing: CLEVELAND SPORTS ARE GOOD. We just think they suck because the brown’s spread their Brown loser-spray all over the Cavalier’s and Indians. The loser Brown’s lump all of Cleveland’s teams together and label the city as losers. But in recent years, the Cavs and Indians have been really fucking good (not for long though Cavs…LeBye James).

The Brown’s are like a blackhole. Blackholes have a gravitational pull so strong that light cannot escape from it. The Brown’s have the same effect on all of Cleveland’s sports…their near winless seasons each year cause a darkness of losing with a pull so strong that Wins cannot escape the gravity of something like a repugnant Brown 0-16 season. We call this the Brown-Hole (sometimes it’s sort of pinkish for people with fairer skin).

The atrocity of the Brown’s is mentioned so often that we associate Cleveland with losing–our first reaction to “Cleveland Sports” is “bad, winless sports.” However, if you remove the black hole from an area in Space, you’d be able to see the light in it. Similarly, if you remove the Brown-hole from Cleveland, you’d be able to see that the other Cleveland teams are actually good.

The Cavs literally just won an NBA title in 2016 and have gone to the NBA finals the last 4 seasons (every year since 2014).The Cleveland Indians went to the World Series two seasons ago in 2016, and went to the ALDS last year. If you have three major sports teams in your city, and two of them go to the playoffs and finals every season–one of which just won a finals title–your city is one of the winnin-gest cities of major sports in the country.

Quit your whining, Cleveland. No other city throws temper tantrums every time their team goes through a drought of sucking.

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too bad brown’s fans are on naughty list!

The Chicago Cubs didn’t win a World Series until they smacked the Indians in 2016. I wonder…if they lost, would Chicago parade for their World Series drought? Or boycott games because, hey, what’s the point? They won’t win the World Series anyway. Guess we’ll never know because the Mistake on the Lake screwed the pooch with that one.

Stop babying Brown’s fans. They love their “woe is me” identity they’ve created for themselves so you feel bad for them. Yet, the reality is, many cities have it worse. Leave the weak behind. Put Brown’s fans in the dirt. Flush them down the toilet where they belong (If it’s brown, flush it down).

Can you imagine being a Phoenix/Arizona sports fan and rooting for these brutally dismal teams?

  • NFL—Arizona Cardinals
  • NBA—Phoenix Suns
  • MLBArizona Diamondbacks
  • NHLArizona Coyotes

GET UP OUT THE DESERT IF YOU CAN’T TAKE THE HEAT.

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Health and Lifestyle, Sports

PawSox (RedSox Triple-A team) Won’t Let Your “Evil” Child Into Upcoming Games if They’re Named Austin or Tyler

 

PawSox depicting the Yankees as the most powerful weapon in the universe…quite the move

“This, of course, references last week’s benches-clearing fracas between the Red Sox and Yankees that involved Joe Kelly and Tyler Austin. Austin slid hard into second base, which upset Brock Holt. The benches emptied as the two jawed at each other, but no punches were thrown. Later in the game, Kelly threw at Austin and the benches emptied again. Punches were thrown this time and both players were given suspensions.“– KillerTakes Via Yahoo! via NBC Sports via Bill Bauer via PawSox.

This is just a weird move. I get it’s a promotional move to aid in reviving the Yankees, Red Sox Rivalry, but come on….everyone knows what you’re doing.

Do you really think any Yankees or Red sos are going to give a shit whether or not they go to this game? At most they lose 20 bucks. “What a minor inconvenience, I might have to go tomorrow.”

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When you’re 1,000 years old and try to appeal to millennial online.

 

 

 

 

The way I see it, the PawSox could either go through with it or not. And if they do go through with it, are they checking ID’s? What if my 3 month year old baby was named Austin or Tyler…should I just stuff him in a locker until after the game? Leave him in the car? Toss him and adopt another?

“Self-Identifying” is such a specific phrase that it makes me believe they’re just going to ask everyone what their name is. When my little brother was 2, he really didn’t understand anything but his own name. It’s all he’d say when you spoke to him. What are you going to do then? If I just say my name Is Joe, do I get in for free? basically free admission except for my 3 year-old son?

I really hope this was a marketing intern… otherwise, the PawSox might want to consider hiring someone with a brain.

(Shout out to Smitty at BarstoolSports for the scarecrow reference).

Obviously my article title is misleading. You know what else is misleading?

Any fast food advertisement. Or literally any article title. Pick out any story ever and you can spin it to bash them.

Screen Shot 2018-04-20 at 9.03.30 AMPictured definitely isn’t Arby’s. You know what? This piece of shit with two pieces of bread and is Arby’s. I welcome the lawsuit. Arby’s consists of actual poop, cheese, bread, and a guy yelling stuff at you in the commercials. Come at me, Barby’s. I want you. Or does Barby’s not have the meats for it?

 

 

General Humor, Sports

Did Luis Perdomo Just become the Biggest Coward In All of Sports?

You don’t normally here “We got a runner on the mound.” Cant imagine how much of a little pre-teen he’ll feel like when he’s sitting on the bench watching the game he is suspended in….I suggest he just throw some booze in his mitt and call it a day. Though I am pretty sure this isn’t gonna work for Perdomo because “hard liquor makes him gag too much.” Twisted Teas and little pee pee’s: The rise and fall of Betas.

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After game of duck-duck goose, the benches cleared during the Rockies-Padres game yesterday. Padres pitcher Luis Perdomo threw a pitch behind Rockies Nolan Arenado, after some escalating tension in the series. Without hesitation, Arenado went after him, but Perdomo clearly had no intention of fighting.

Heres the live, unedited footage. We we’re even able to here what Arenado was yelling at him on the field:

 

 

If you are an athlete and shy away from a fight like Perdomo, you really should be playing a different position: either 6-feet under the ground after Arenado kills you, or you should be bent over biting the covers to cope with the pain. Because that’s what you basically did.

And then only reason the fight went on for a decent amount of time is because Arenado has loyal as shit teammates…dude got the hell out of the middle as fast as he could, circled at the end of the video. Don’t try and throw a shot if you can’t catch one, Perdomo.

8.3/10 on the initial juke though. I’d say he should’ve been a football player but he might accidentally get a bruise.